Would you like to know how to elevate your relationships? ?
As a result of co-authoring the book ‘Elevate Your Wellbeing’ (an International bestseller), I was asked to be interviewed on a podcast with Benjamin J Harvey from Authentic Education.
I shared:
? How to build trust with others ? The importance of discernment ? The power of apology ? How to strengthen your relationship with your partner ? ? Tips on conflict resolution
P.S. – My upcoming ‘Elevate Your Wellbeing‘ Workshop on October 24 shows you how to navigate the tough stuff of life and bring you back to health, happiness, and wellbeing. ✨ Spaces are strictly limited, as this is an intimate workshop in my home. ?
What have you been doing lately for your self-care?
Self-care is often neglected in our busy lives.
When you’re responsible for work, tasks and other people, it’s so easy to miss looking after ourselves.
According to a study done by wayahead.org, 75% of Australians surveyed admitted that stress in their lives adversely affected their physical health
What soothes your soul?
For me, natural beauty, and spending time in creation has pulled me out of dark moments.
It reconnects me to my heart.
Also, my connection with my close loved-ones.
In a study done on stress, every person who was connected in relationships with some form of close community – whether this was through their colleagues, social group, church or close family, said that the connections gave them courage through stressful times.
Feeling alone and unsupported can be a major cause of stress.
Stress is by far the most insidious, serious problem we face when it comes to preventing disease and living long and healthy lives.
New research states that it’s our response to stress that makes it unhealthy or healthy for you.
Oxytocin is a hormone in our body that protects your cardiovascular system; it helps heart cells regenerate.
Oxytocin is enhanced by social contact & social support. Human connection helps save lives.
Another cause of stress is our thoughts and mindset.
Mindset is defined as an attitude, disposition or mood (a set of rules you create to either live the life of your dreams…or not).
The mind-body connection is undeniably strong and there is now so much research to prove it.
It’s surprisingly simple how easy it is to improve our health and wellbeing by what we choose to focus on.
If we focus on our problems, they get bigger.
If we focus on the good things that we have and are grateful for them, generally speaking,… more of them tend to come our way.
Focusing on our self-care is a crucial step in elevating our wellbeing.
In order to make self-care a priority, it needs to be ritualised.
It’s not what we do as a one-off activity, but what we build into our lives as habits.
Your habitual behaviours are nothing other than actualised neural networks.
If you want to change your habits you must first seek to change the way your neurons are wired together.
Think of it as a series of roads inside your mind. If you want to end up in a different location you must take different roads to get there.
Developing wellbeing is not designed to prevent problems.
It’s designed to help you to stop falling off the horse, and ultimately to help you get back on the horse if you do fall off a whole lot quicker.
Here are some simple things we can easily build into our lives daily for self-care:
1. Write down 3 things you are grateful for every morning or night
Grateful people experience fewer aches and pains and they report feeling healthier than other people, according to a 2012 study published in Personality and Individual Differences.
Writing down what you’re grateful for is such a simple practice.
Even if you already feel like a grateful person, there’s something magical about writing it down and reflecting on it every day.
2. Do some simple bodyweight movements or a short walk before or after breakfast, lunch or dinner or before every shower.
Our muscles need strengthening, especially if we sit a lot and as we age.
You don’t need a full-on gym routine to stay strong. You can look up bodyweight movements on YouTube and follow along.
3. Do a few quick stretches after every hour we sit at our computer (every 30 minutes even better!)
How many times have you intended to do this, but the next thing you know the whole day has passed?
This one takes setting a reminder alarm.
4. Write a list of the people who bring out the best in you and send an encouraging message to one person each day.
We all need encouragement.
Sending a daily encouragement text or voice message is a lovely daily practice that helps others and also makes you feel good because you’re contributing to making the world a better place in a very simple, but powerful way.
5. Spend daily time in nature getting fresh air and sunshine.
It’s so easy to just sit inside all day if we’re not intentional.
When you’re planning your day, include even the smallest amount of fresh air and sunshine.
Even if it’s just a short walk or reading a book outside while you have lunch.
How do you like to elevate your soul?
Are you feeling fatigued or burnt out?
Do you find stress from your relationships difficult to navigate?
Do you find yourself with unhealthy habits that you want to change?
My upcoming ‘Elevate Your Wellbeing‘ Workshop on October 15th shows you how to navigate the tough stuff of life, develop a constructive and flexible mindset, and bring you back to a beautiful state of health, happiness, and wellbeing.
It helps you get out of your head, to stop thinking about what you need to do and gives you the capacity to JUST DO IT.
You’ll learn how to train your brain to stop procrastinating. You’ll discover the power that’s hidden inside of you, that will enable you to START, TAKE ACTION and maintain a new YOU.
Learning these important lessons in life has truly been agift. I’d love to share them with you!
Would you agree that there are some people who are fit, healthy and thriving – despite many challenges, and other people who are unfit, unhealthy and suffering – even though they have similar choices?
Would you agree that some people consciously feed their brain with constructive thoughts and others feed their brain with garbage, even though they’re intelligent people?
Would you also agree that many people work hard to have wonderful relationships and others seem to attract problems and consistently struggle with disastrous ones?
I am so grateful to have co-authored an International No. 1 best selling book ‘Elevate Your Wellbeing’ with 10 other authors. We were each asked to write from our particular area of expertise in wellbeing.
As a Relationship Therapist, I decided to write on ‘Freedom through Forgiveness’.
My husband, John, counted up roughly the hours of Marriage Counselling I’d done over a 30 year period and it came to over 100,000 hours.
He jokes that this doesn’t include all the free marriage counselling tips he’s been given over the years!
Having the privilege of being awarded a Churchill Fellowship, in researching internationally with the gurus in my field of work, Relationship Wellbeing, I discovered there are 3 core problems that get in the way of people elevating their wellbeing.
Lack of Clarity and Focus in relation to their values and purpose in life.
Areluctance and fear to make definite decisions to put new healthy habits of nutrition, fitness, and mindset into action.
Stuckness in important relationships due to unresolved wounds from the past, intervening in the present.
When you overcome these problems, here’s what will happen…
You’ll identify your values and start living in alignment with them.
You’ll live a life by design rather than by default.
You’ll feel and be stronger to manage stressors in your life by developing healthy habits for your mind and body.
You’ll learn mindfulness, meditation and a healthy mindset which will help you develop resilience in a way you’ve never known before.
You’ll find freedom and wholeness in life that will serve you and your relationships well.
You’ll elevate all aspects of your wellbeing that you decide on.
Do you know your 3 highest values in life?
(mine are – Honesty, Connection, Commitment)
How loyal are you to them?
Do you live authentically to your values?
If not, this can cause us stress and dis-ease.
The leading cause of disease on this planet is stress.
When I received a cancer diagnosis, (I’m now in remission), it made me reflect on a few questions.
How well equipped am I at retaining my wellbeing through a crisis?
Can I prevent at least some of the stressors I experience?
Do I have proper wellness daily habits as a pattern in my life?
Since then, I’ve developed a number of health and wellbeing habits which have been absolutely life-changing, and now I teach them to others.
Are you feeling fatigued or burnt out?
Do you find stress from your relationships difficult to navigate?
Do you find yourself with unhealthy habits that you want to change?
My upcoming ‘Elevate Your Wellbeing‘ Workshop on October 15th 2020, shows you how to navigate the tough stuff of life, develop a constructive and flexible mindset, and bring you back to a beautiful state of health, happiness, and wellbeing.
It helps you get out of your head, to stop thinking about what you need to do and gives you the capacity to JUST DO IT.
You’ll learn how to train your brain to stop procrastinating. You’ll discover the power that’s hidden inside of you, that will enable you to START, TAKE ACTION and maintain a new YOU.
Learning these important lessons in life has truly been agift to me. I’d love to share them with you!
Marriage is like a long sea journey. There are times of smooth sailing and onboard festivities, but also times when the tempest hits and we cling on for dear life.
Join us at the Kiama Couples Getaway to scrape off the barnacles, stock up on provisions and enjoy a great adventure along the way.
Kiama Couples Getaway takes place at Heather and John’s home on:
Saturday 21st September 2019 – 10am to 6pm, and
Sunday 22nd September 2019 – 9am to 4pm
Topics include:
Keeping Connected
Making up… the art of Apologies and Forgiveness
Creative use of Conflict
Keeping Love and Romance alive
Deepening Intimacy and Having Fun
Leaping Marriage Hurdles…Challenges that Change
Being Intentional… creating the marriage you want …And any other topic of participants’ choosing!
Getaway includes:
* A delicious lunch, morning and afternoon tea and drinks on both days
* A comprehensive handbook
* Connection with other like-minded couples for friendship and learning
* A chance to enjoy a beach or bushwalk in your free time and organise your own romantic dinner on the Saturday night, with a ready supply of Kiama Restaurants.
What others have said about the Getaway:
“Each session lead us to talk at depth with one another. It was great to be able to do that without needing a catastrophe to push us into it.”
“I wasn’t sure about coming to this, but John and Heather soon had me relaxed and laughing and learning stuff I’d never heard before.”
“Heather and John are practical and personal, insightful and sensitive to the group’s needs. They are humorous and very engaging presenters.”
Facilitators: Heather and John McAlpine
Heather and John are the Trainer Couple and Chair Couple for Better Marriages Australia, and together they have been leading Marriage Getaways in Australia, Uganda, South Africa, India, and Sri Lanka for over 30 years.
John is a G.P. at Gerringong with a Masters in General Practice Psychiatry and a special interest in training junior Doctors.
Heather is a co-author of an International No 1 bestseller, ‘Elevate Your Wellbeing’. She is a Relationship Therapist and Supervisor in private practice and is also a published co-author. She is the recipient of a Churchill Fellowship and a highly regarded speaker and consultant. Heather and John’s joint passion is to grow and strengthen relationships.
They have experienced the benefit of Marriage Enrichment in their own marriage of 38 years and are passionate about sowing the seeds of persistence, resilience, and joy, to empower marriages through the generations.
Our words are so powerful. Words can hurt. But they can also heal.
Starting an argument is easy,
… preventing it or stopping it is hard.
Here’s a great quote that reminds us of the importance of our words:
“This sense of being at home is important to everybody’s well being. If you don’t get enough of it, your happiness, resilience, energy, humour, and courage will decrease. Home is the one place in the world where you are safe from feeling put down or out, unentitled or unwanted. Coming home is your major restorative in life.”
(from home conflicts: the art and science of keeping house):
We have observed friends or experienced times in our own relationship where the home has not been a haven due to criticism, harshness, anger and blame.
If this is the case, we need to change our worldview and change our thinking.
There are a few things we can do to use our words to heal, rather than hurt.
1. Learn what happens to prevent an argument
We could ask ourselves before launching into an argument;
Is it actually worth it?
Does this build a safe space for my partner?
Is coming home to me, restorative to my partner?
Are my actions building our home as a safe haven?
2. Learn what happens to stop an argument
Do you know what your partner needs in order for an argument to stop?
John Gottman, the marriage researcher, discovered that he could tell within 1 minute how a couple interaction would end.
He coined the phrase soft start-ups.
For an example, in the first year of our marriage, I would be home sometimes, all day studying, having negative feelings having to put John’s breakfast stuff away then surrounded by mountains of his dirty underwear.
I would have my emotional aggro shotgun and my nagging shotgun leaning against the door of our flat.
As soon as I heard “Honey I’m home,” I’d give him both barrels…
“Look at this mess, yet again, I’ve got no room to tread on the floor…. I’m constantly cleaning up after you!”
Needless
to say, the interaction didn’t end well.
Perhaps a soft start-up would be, “Honey I’ve missed you. Let’s make love”.
But I think that would be too soft a start-up.
Let’s go through some other soft start-up approaches.
With my husband, John, if I say the words, “You’re right”, the argument stops immediately!
Seriously though, in the old days when we struggled, what helped to stop an argument from goingfurther was if I was too upset to stay in the room with him, and I’d go somewhere else to cry…
I know this sounds odd; …. but I actually needed him to follow me.
This was a foreign concept to John for years – he would stay behind thinking, “I’m not going to put my head inside the door – it would only get bitten off. I’ll wait out here till Heather calms down and try again.”
Meanwhile, I would be in the room alone; feeling uncared for, and the feeling sunk deeper, feeling a total lack of love.
I want to acknowledge that for many people when they walk away upset, they really need their space.
For me – I need my space for a few minutes only, and then I like to be comforted. It’s the comforting that reminds me we’re on the same side.
It’s about openly communicating what we need.
The other thing that can help to short circuit an argument is humour.
This takes a lot of fine-tuning, but when the heat drops and the emotional level quietens down and we can start to see the funny side of things, the remaining feelings dissipate.
Sometimes, people try to lighten things up before trying to resolve the issue – which is not always a pretty sight.
It can escalate the conflict if one partner feels like the other is not taking a situation seriously that is important to them.
(as my husband John says, premature joke-ulation!)
For John, to help him to stop an argument, he needs me to acknowledge his opinion, even (and especially!) when it’s quite different to mine. It’s so important that we acknowledge what we hear our partner express. We don’t have to agree with them. Because I respect John, I want him to know that what he has to say is valuable. It matters. And when that is shown, he can continue the discussion, even if he doesn’t agree with me.
3. Stay you, while you’re both together.
Often, couples try to prop each other up from a wobbly place.
This doesn’t work.
If you’re both working on being the strongest and most loving version of yourselves, you will better be able to connect and provide each other stability.
Next time your partner is upset with an event external to your relationship or within your relationship, try calming yourself first so you are not just wearing their emotion and reacting to it.
Practise being the best version of you, even when you don’t always feel like it.
The healthier your relationship is with yourself, the healthier it will be with your spouse.
There are many other ways we can learn to communicate more effectively in our marriage to enrich and restore the relationship.
Is your marriage being negatively affected by the way you’re speaking to each other?
Or is your marriage going well, but you’d like to bring in even more harmony, love and connection?
We’d love you to join us on our Couples Getaway Weekend coming up in September.
It’s a deep-dive into how to keep your connection, love, and romance alive.
John and I have been running marriage seminars for over 30 years in multiple countries. We love helping couples have stronger, healthier and more loving marriages.
Each of us ends up in difficult situations individually or in our marriages.
Through no fault of our own, we have to adjust our plan, direction or dreams. These stresses can impinge on our marriage and add to any underlying issues.
We all start our marriage intending it to go well.
Initially, we’re under the influence of the love drug (a very powerful love cocktail).
We are flooded with neurotransmitters which give the side effects of a delightfully positive attitude, increased energy, less need to sleep and often a temporary personality change – non-touchers touch, non-talkers talk, and everyone feels happy.
It even changes your sense of smell! When we were dating, I was really attracted to John’s deodorant. It was manly and evocative.
Later in the first year of our marriage, I found out that up until then, he’d never used deodorant! So, all through our dating days, I was being attracted to his pumped up pheromones!
During this infatuation stage of love, no matter what negative habit or bomb drops in your path… love pushes it away.
It’s like logs floating in a fast-flowing river. The current washes them quickly downstream.
So too in our early relationship, the love flow is powerful.
You might have a partner who’s a work-a-holic, or on the other hand, chronically unemployed, a big spender and hot-tempered.
But one love spray………the issue is gone!
I heard of a mother asking her newly engaged daughter, “What do you see in this guy? He’s on assault charges, he’s a drug dealer and he carries a knife.”
The daughter replied, “But Mum, when you really get to know him he’s so gentle and loving!”
These rose-coloured glasses don’t stay on for long.
Inevitably debris starts accumulating one twig, branch, one leaf at a time.
One unfulfilled expectation, one put down in front of others, one episode of rage or unforgiveness.
The accumulation reaches the
stage that the power of being in love cannot simply flush it away. The river
flow gets clogged and may fall to a trickle.
Much of our marriage enrichment experiences and work with couples look at preventing these blockages.
We educate people about the post infatuation second stage of love, where euphoria leaves by the back door and reality makes its entrance.
The euphoric love cocktail can last anywhere between 1 day and 3 years if you’re lucky!
This is where the hard work of marriage really begins.
The challenge of any healthy marriage is making the transition to a companionable, committed love whilst still working on keeping the intimacy and sparkle bright.
So what if you are up the creek and the flow of love and goodwill has dropped to a trickle?
In each relationship, there are greater or lesser low flow patches.
These can be due perhaps to the external factors such as tiredness with a new child… (or ones that have been around for years!)… unbearable work stresses (or even more unbearable non-work stresses), or interpersonal factors like unresolved issues or wrong decisions.
The challenge is when you find yourselves up the creek and the paddles you have usually used for momentum and direction, are gone.
You might have dropped a paddle over the side when swept down a rapid, or broken it against obstacles and find it not working anymore.
Either way, you’re in a difficult, sticky situation and you need new paddles as a resource to get out of it.
Let’s look at paddles to call upon when up the creek.
1. Remember what got you together in the first place.
Sometimes a symbolic object
helps us to remember the warmth and security of those feelings.
For 39 years, my husband John has had a photo of me up on his desk, standing on the bow of a small boat pulling up the anchor in my nightie on our Hawkesbury River honeymoon!
If that photo with my cheeky grin caught his eye during a negative relationship swing, it would remind him of our past fun shared experiences. He talks of laughing to himself, remembering past adventures together and suddenly putting current annoyances into perspective.
Remember what brought you together. It’s a powerful resource. Ask, what can I do to rebuild and regain that sense of connectedness and goodwill with my partner?
2. Accept the package deal
The person we married is a package deal with a mixture of good AND bad habits, and each of us are imperfect people.
Part of celebrating our partner’s uniqueness is to realise that there are many attributes that we need to accept.
We need the freedom to be honest about the impact changeable habits have on us, yet accept some characteristics like extroversion versus being an introvert, being a morning person rather than a night person or being quicker to react as opposed to stewing about things.
Some unchangeable aspects about our partner may need to be reframed as lovable idiosyncrasies.
As Benjamin Franklin wisely quipped, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,…. after marriage half-shut”.
3. Develop a Joint Passion
A special way of creating a deeper friendship with your partner is through developing a joint passion.
Think about what your passion is in life.
You can discover this by reflecting on the activities that you look forward to with eager anticipation…., what do you get so engrossed in that you lose track of time? What recharges your batteries and gives you a sense that this is exactly what you want to be doing?
Are there any of these activities that you might want to share with your partner?
Likewise, is there anything that your partner would love for you to join them in?
I’ve joined John in his passion for music by playing the piano, with him on guitar, in the church music band. And to my surprise and delight, he joined me in my passion for cycling. It was an individual activity of mine for 20 years, but when I bought him a bike for his 50th birthday and then lycra for his next birthday,…he’s been cycling ever since!
Do you feel up the creek without a paddle in your marriage?
Or is your marriage going well, but you’d like to bring in even more harmony, love and connection?
We’d love you to join us on our Couples Getaway Weekend coming up in September.
It’s a deep-dive into how to keep your connection, love, and romance alive.
John and I have been running marriage seminars for over 30 years in multiple countries. We love helping couples have stronger, healthier and more loving marriages.
Are you struggling to find excitement, joy, and energy in your relationships and emotional health?
My upcoming workshop could be the exact thing you need. ?
This workshop is for you if you’d like to improve your wellness, emotional health, mindset, and relationships. ☀️?
Drawn from my experience as a Clinical Co-ordinator for Relationships Australia, Relationship Therapist and published Author, I bring my decades of experience to help you elevate your wellbeing.
You’ll pick up the tools you can use to: * Understand yourself and your behaviours better * Navigate your current season well * Handle your challenges and stressors to become more resilient * Create a total wellness roadmap, so you can live your life by design rather than default.
If you want greater health and wellbeing in any aspect of your life, this workshop will give you the necessary tools to make decisions in alignment with your highest values. ✅
? Only a few days left of the special Earlybird price.
Do you ever feel you’re at the bottom of your list of priorities?
Many people put themselves last and they suffer for it.
They eat low quality food, break their commitments to themselves, don’t take good care of their bodies and use unhelpful self-talk.
They react to demands, pressures and external influences, giving little thought to their own needs.
The result is exhaustion, overwhelm and resentment. And their emotional wellbeing suffers.
We struggle to be at our best if we don’t take time out for ourselves to refresh, restore and renew.
Do you want to treat yourself better?
Do you want a kinder relationship with yourself? One where you value yourself and truly know your worth?
Nurturing ourselves does not have to be hard or time-consuming.
Below are 3 ways to nurture yourself and treat yourself more kindly.
Choose your favourite and start applying it for a healthier, happier you!
1. Talk to yourself like your best friend
The most important conversations you will ever have, are the conversations you have with yourself.
We spend most of our time in our own head, so what we say to ourselves not only affects how we feel, but how we act.
If many people treated their friends the way they treat themselves, they wouldn’t have many friends!
If your best friend was going through what you are going through, what advice would you give her?
When you notice unhelpful internal chatter, ask yourself – would you be happy for that to be broadcast publicly?
Would you want your children to know how you berate yourself in your head?
As the saying goes, where attention goes, energy flows.
It’s almost impossible to have negative thinking that doesn’t have an effect on us externally.
Numerous studies show the importance of our internal talk and how if we say the right things to ourselves, we are much more likely to succeed.
Think about the most common things you say to yourself about yourself.
Are the things you would say to your best friend?
If not, it’s time to replace that with loving talk that builds you up and makes you feel great.
Have a think about the phrases you can say to yourself when you’re faced with the temptation to berate yourself.
We’re all different in what motivates us, which is why you need your own list.
Keep them short and snappy. In the moment, you don’t always have time to pull out a book, phone a friend or read an inspiring article.
You need quick statements – statements that resonate with YOU, otherwise, it won’t work.
It can take all of 10 seconds and may be the difference between spiralling down into a bad mood or choosing joy instead.
Some power phrases you may like to use –
‘You have integrity’ ‘Honour your values’ ‘Trust yourself’ ‘I love you and appreciate you’ ‘Great job! I’m so proud of you.’ ‘You’ve got this’ ‘That’s not my goal’ ‘Be proud of yourself’ ‘You’re strong’
I’ve listed some here to give you ideas, but what motivates some people won’t necessarily motivate you.
So I encourage you to create your own list.
And as you think of them in life also, add them to your list, like a work in process.
Words have power. They have a huge effect on our state of mind!
2. Make your decisions according to your goals and values
It’s impossible to be truly happy if we aren’t living in line with our values.
Too often, we say ‘yes’ to things and people without weighing up the consequences.
Or we say ‘no’ to opportunities because of fear or doubt.
I’d like you to do something right now.
Think about the type of person you want to be. Picture that person right now. Take your time – visualise how they feel, and how they act.
Visualise what they are wearing, how they move, what they look like.
Now ask yourself “What kind of decisions do they make?”
Often we make decisions with little thought, in order to please other people and that comes at a cost.
If we say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’, or ‘no’ when we mean ‘yes’, we are going against our own values.
Let people know what’s okay for you and what’s not. A best friend wouldn’t let someone treat you badly.
Of course, we need to compromise in all relationships at times. But many of us compromise too much and end up being resentful. When we practise being bold by making decisions according to our goals and values, we get better at it.
It’s a muscle we can build.
The pain that may come from speaking our truth is over in a few minutes.
However, we are left with deeper satisfaction and lasting happiness.
The right decision feels good longer than a few minutes. It is one based on the things that are important to us, such as health, energy, and wellbeing.
True happiness comes from knowing that we are in control of our decisions and that we have made a choice based on our values.
3. Take care of your wellbeing – physical, mental, emotional, relational and spiritual
Get into the habit of doing nice and special things for yourself. You deserve it!
Here are some ideas:
Physical:
Walk in the fresh air and sunshine
Organise a family bike ride
Take a new class
Get a massage
Relax in a bubble bath
Mental
Read a new book
Visit a hobby you haven’t done for a while
Engage in a new activity
Visit somewhere new
Use a guided meditation app
Emotional:
Watch a funny movie
Talk about your feelings with others whom your trust
Make yourself a cup of tea or a candlelight dinner with the energy that you’d feel when preparing for someone you love
Clear some space in your environment
Journal your thoughts and feelings
Relational
Organise a special date night
Write your friends a note about why you love them
Open up a vulnerable conversation
Ring a friend you love who you’ve lost touch with
Host a brunch or dinner at your house
Spiritual
Forgive someone
Visit a church or spiritual centre
Volunteer at an organisation you believe in
Do a prayer or gratitude walk
Spend time in nature
Action Step
Choose 1 to start on, or 1 from each category and write them into your calendar as an appointment with yourself.
Then honour the commitment you’ve made to yourself.
You’re worth it!
Would you like more help improving your relationships and wellbeing?
My upcoming workshop could be the exact thing you need.
It’s for you if you’d like to improve your wellbeing, emotional health, mindset and relationships.
Drawn from my years as a Clinical Co-ordinator for Relationships Australia, Relationship Therapist and published Author, I bring my decades of experience to help you elevate your wellbeing.
My upcoming workshop could be the exact thing you need.
It’s for you if you’d like to improve your wellbeing, emotional health, mindset and relationships.
Drawn from my years as a Clinical Co-ordinator for Relationships Australia, Relationship Therapist and published Author, I bring my decades of experience to help you elevate your wellbeing.
You’ll pick up the tools you can use to:
* Understand yourself and your behaviours better
* Navigate your current season well
* Understand and handle your challenges and your stressor * Create a total wellness roadmap, so you can live your life by design rather than default.
If you want greater health and wellbeing in every aspect of your life, this workshop will give you the tools to make decisions in alignment with your highest values.
Over the years working with thousands of people, I’ve discovered that one of the key distinctions between lasting success and failure is the way we perceive events and circumstances in our lives.
One of the most important mindsets to have in order to maintain healthy levels of wellbeing is optimism.
Optimism is a tendency to anticipate good things in the future, and to look on the constructive side of a particular experience.
Many people struggle to stay optimistic and that can cause strain on relationships and health.
Just because we can find lots of things to feel down about, doesn’t mean that we should focus on them.
In fact, optimism creates opportunity – while pessimism can shut it down.
It suggests that optimists are significantly more successful than pessimists in aversive events and when important life-goals are impaired.
Often, our greatest feelings of wellbeing come from achieving a healthy inner world – a feeling of peace and contentment.
Regardless of where you’re at, the good news is that you have within you right now the power to build a healthy mindset and an optimistic outlook.
Here are 3 of my top tips for staying optimistic:
1. Focus on what you want and how you want to be.
The ability to create and maintain well-being and a healthy mindset starts with the way we choose to think about things.
Too often, we can find ourselves focusing on our problems and on everything we DON’T have in our lives, rather than being grateful for what we do have.
One of the easiest ways to stay optimistic is to focus on what you really want, AND,…. even more importantly HOW you want to BE.
Whatever you focus on and give attention to, can transform your mindset.
Wisdom, passed down from thousands of years tells us that “as a person thinks,….so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)
2. Replace unhelpful self-talk with healthy self-talk
The way we talk to ourselves affects the way we feel and the actions and results we produce in our lives.
Become mindful of when you say unhelpful and false phrases to yourself and replace them with healthier ones that make you feel good.
It’s not about ignoring reality, rather focusing on all the good that is present in our lives.
Think about it,…How much time do we currently spend focusing on things that rob our joy.
Many times we can tell our brain certain statements so often, that we well and truly believe them, even if they’re not true.
Some examples of unhelpful, disempowering self-talk
What’s wrong with me? I’m so stupid I can’t do it I’ll never be able to I’m not smart enough I don’t know enough Why do I keep stuffing up?
When we repeat these unhelpful phrases and questions, our brain naturally gives us unhelpful answers and responses.
However, when we repeat optimistic phrases in our minds, we start to feel better and as a result, attract more and more of what we need and want into our lives.
Some examples of helpful, empowering self-talk
I’m doing the best I can with my current resources I am smart, creative and capable Whatever I don’t have, I can learn I can overcome this All skills are learnable I can develop everything I need to succeed
It’s OK to make mistakes. I’m human. I can always learn from my mistakes.
3. Practise Gratitude
There is a growing body of research that suggests regular gratitude practice can improve your mental wellbeing.
Gratitude can lead to feeling happier, having more zest for life, sleeping better, expressing more compassion and kindness, creating stronger relationships and having less stress.
Close your eyes and even for just 30 seconds, breathe deeply and focus on appreciating everything you have in your life.
Appreciate how far you’ve come.
Aim to hold that in your mind as long as you can – before problems try to worm their way back in.
Remember – having a healthy, optimistic mindset is not an inherited trait that some people have and others don’t. It starts with a choice and, like most skills, needs to be practised and put to work.
If you make this a habit, I’m sure you’ll notice how much better you feel.
Would you like more help healing your past and improving your relationships and wellbeing?
My upcoming workshop could be the exact thing you need.
It’s for you if you’d like to improve your wellness, emotional health, mindset and relationships.
Drawn from my experience as a Clinical Co-ordinator for Relationships Australia, Relationship Therapist and published Author, I bring my decades of experience to help you elevate your wellbeing.
You’ll pick up the tools you can use to:
* Understand yourself and your behaviours better
* Navigate your current season well
* Handle your challenges and your stressors to become more resilient
* Create a total wellness roadmap, so you can live your life by design rather than default.
If you want greater health and wellbeing in any aspect of your life, this workshop will give you the necessary tools to make decisions in alignment with your highest values.
Have you ever wondered why small, seemingly insignificant triggers can lead to unexpected and intense reactions?
You may say to yourself, “Where
did that come from?”
Basic unconscious hurts, whether
from a past partner or someone from your childhood, can generate a huge angry
reaction above and beyond the issue you’re experiencing.
Unresolved, un-forgiven conflicts
can pull you down and eat away at your soul.
If you’re a leader, this can have a
negative flow-on effect to the people you’re influencing.
I believe that one of the greatest
things you can do as a leader – be it a Parent, Teacher, Business Owner,
Manager, Team Leader or Influencer in any sphere, is to work on yourself so you
can communicate and influence from a healed place.
In this blog post, I unpack some of
the ways you can understand your emotional triggers better, in order to heal
your past.
For example:
If you weren’t nurtured or made to feel special and significant as a child, you will crave the chance to be nurtured or feel significant as an adult.
If you were deeply wounded through rejection, you will grow up with a filter of disapproval.
If you were rejected through shame, it means you grow up living through a filter of guilt.
If you were rejected through criticism, it means you grow up living through a filter of criticising others and always finding fault. This thought may seem gruesome, but getting rejected as a child could cause you to walk into a crowded room and believe everyone thinks you’re no good.
On the other hand:
Growing up with encouragement means you’re more likely to feel worthwhile as an adult.
Being raised with acceptance and approval means you’ll tend to like yourself later in life.
Growing up in a nurturing environment with healthy friendships will most likely translate to finding love in the world.
No matter how you were raised, you can
take major steps towards inner healing.
As part of my work, I help couples
to help each other towards inner healing, as they use the resource of the
relationship to set the scene for openness, vulnerability, and growth.
But as individuals, everyone needs
to take responsibility for their own personal development before expecting any
real healing or growth to spring up within their relationships.
So how can I take responsibility for my own personal development…for actually growing myself UP?
In terms of normal physical allergies, you could have a trigger that leads to an acute, even life-threatening reaction.
But you can also develop an
emotional allergy and have an unexpected overreaction triggered by a past hurt.
With a physical allergy, you have to
figure out the cause, so you can take care of yourself.
The same is true with an emotional
trigger.
If you don’t put the time, energy
and commitment into discovering what’s underneath your reactions, you’ll
continue to experience these emotional allergies, or triggers, from past
hurts, whether it’s due to your family of origin or any long-term relationship.
Intimacy can be enhanced in any
close relationship if you and your partner are guided in a process that helps
you each identify your triggers, thus enabling you both to seek and offer
forgiveness.
It’s helpful to look at them in
terms of a soul wound.
As an adult, you filter information.
You may tell yourself, “That’s garbage” or “I don’t believe that”.
But when you were a child, you
accepted everything uncritically, and that information becomes stored in your old
brain.
The old brain is often forgotten.
You may not be aware of it until a situation arises, and you respond with a
knee-jerk reaction. It brings up past hurts and is based on not having your
needs met.
For me, it’s when I feel not
listened to or advocated for.
Being aware of this emotional
allergy, I self-soothe by telling myself what I’d longed to hear in my
past.
It helps me when that allergy
strikes, and I’m overwhelmed by previous emotions. It can still hit, but
instead of it having the power of Niagara Falls, it just seems like a little
trickle.
As some wise person once said, “You
can’t fix what you don’t name”.
So, identifying it, acknowledging it
and being self-compassionate through it, will help in the healing
process.
You may understand by now that no
one can hurt you as deeply as your loved ones. If it’s an acquaintance, you can
write it off, but with someone you care about, the words often stick and
hurt.
The wonderful flipside is that no
one can heal you as much as your loved ones.
You can repair your relationships if
you’re willing and humble enough to genuinely apologise and listen.
It helps enormously in accelerating the healing process in any relationship.
Would you like more help healing your past and improving your relationships and wellbeing?
My upcoming workshop could be the exact thing you need.
It’s for you if you would like to improve your wellbeing, emotional health, mindset and relationships.
Drawn from my experience as a Clinical Co-ordinator for Relationships Australia, Relationship Therapist and published Author, I bring my decades of experience to help you elevate your wellbeing.
You’ll pick up the tools you can use to:
* Understand yourself and your behaviours better
* Navigate your current season well
* Understand and handle your challenges and your stressors
* Create a total wellness roadmap, so you can live your life by design rather than default.
If you want greater health and wellbeing in every aspect of your life, this workshop will give you all the tools to make decisions in alignment with your highest values.
